I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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