Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
