So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
