never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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