Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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