The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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