I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
