you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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