You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
