im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want a musical about memes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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