I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
