I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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