I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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