I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
