Sry I called you an 8
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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