took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
