Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
