Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
