I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
