walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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