I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
