I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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