you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
