it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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