When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
