Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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