trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
