i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
