I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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