And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
