the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
