I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
