there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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