is your mom at the bar?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
