Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
