somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
