She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
