dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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