Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
