i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
