I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
