My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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