I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
