at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
