Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
