my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
