she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
