angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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