I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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