The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
