Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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